Humour – Page 3 – Ivor.Plumber/Poet

No Pinks, Just Chocolate Cakes

I’ve been nominated for a “Sunshine Blogger Award.”, by Vanessa of, ‘say no to clowns’, As my followers might know, I don’t usually participate in awards, I suppose I feel embarrassed/overwhelmed, and feel like it’s a burden to other readers, to pass on/be nominated. Anyhow, for Vanessa, here’s my answers to her intriguing questions….Thank you to, >>saynotoclowns

What is definitely not your favourite colour?

Pink, It definitely doesn’t suit me. My mom wanted her second child to be a girl (Me), I was originally dressed in pink for a while, after mom had spent months knitting pink outfits for the new baby (Me)

Do you like cake? If not, why?

I’ve been known to eat whole sponge cakes, in one sitting, especially with pink icing, like I’m trying to devour the pink icing, off the face of the planet…….

Can you live without a Smart phone?

I don’t have a smart phone, just a little Android phone. I suppose I use my phone a lot, but in my health situation, it’s a necessary item. And I’m always jotting down notes/lines in my phone, that I could later use in a poem…….

Do you like cake? If not, why?

Chocolate cake is my favourite……

What are your thoughts on clowns?

I never liked clowns at the circus, they used to scare me, and never thought they were the least bit funny, and they wore terrible make-up !!

One of us had to switch to decaf. Can you guess which one of us?

It wouldn’t be me. I don’t drink a lot of coffee, but I do like going to a cafe for a good coffee, and enjoy a chat with a friend, and soaking up the atmosphere created within the cafe….

As Vanessa said in her article, “As for my own nominations…actually, I am going to be bold and just tell you., ‘you have been one of the winners of the award’…and that goes for all of you wonderful people who have enriched my blogging life. Thank you so, so much!”. If you feel inclined, maybe you could answer the above questions that Vanessa,put to me……

Cheers

Ivor.

It Was On The Tip Of My Tongue

I awoke unexpectedly

Suddenly the mind had kicked in

My cogs were grinding and searching

Seeking that lost memory inside me head

That annoying buzz has been bugging me

Teasing me about that location

That place I couldn’t remember

The name was on the tip of my tongue yesterday*

But recalling that name had eluded me

Three o’clock in the morning

My eyes are wide open

Old cloudy visions, are now clearing

Up there, in bright neon lights

Of course, that’s the missing name

And my brain is not dead

Answer solved, back to sleep for my head

* The name that was on the tip of my tongue was a place in Philadelphia, called the Reading Terminal Market, I’ll attach a Link here
https://readingterminalmarket.org/

https://youtu.be/H-RtrpwIME0

Iver Steven (c) June 2019

Shampoo

My dream-time is imminent

And reality begins to rock my soul

I’m bodily shaking in my shoes

Making my tummy tumble and squirm

Truth has cut me to the bone

Adrenaline’s spurting through my blood

Veins are bursting

Muscles are stiff and bulging

The night is filling with anticipation

Excitement crawls down my skin

Old hairs are all standing on end

Toes are twitching like never before

Best I slow down my eagerness

And subdue my hullabaloo

Otherwise I’ll forget to pack the shampoo

Shampoo

Hi dear readers, I’m re-posting this poem, as I post it originally at 3.30 am, and some of my readers may have missed the article. What was I doing, being awake at that time of the morning ???

My dream-time is imminent

And reality begins to rock my soul

I’m bodily shaking in my shoes

Making my tummy tumble and squirm

Truth has cut me to the bone

Adrenaline’s spurting through my blood

Veins are bursting

Muscles are stiff and bulging

The night is filling with anticipation

Excitement crawls down my skin

Old hairs are all standing on end

Toes are twitching like never before

Best I slow down my eagerness

And subdue my hullabaloo

Otherwise I’ll forget to pack the shampoo

The Green Witch’s Old Broom

My locked bubble is about to go boom

Too long I’ve been a stranger in my own tomb

Under a concrete lid, hiding my gloom

Where my world was a Hades of doom

Now these walls are my life-giving womb

Being reborn as a smiling used groom

I’m breaking out of my master bedroom

Escaping on the green witch’s old broom

Flying to the distant land in springtime bloom

Where I won’t have to wear my mask and costume

Discarding my orange Kaftan from Khartoum

I’ll invade the big apple’s newsrooms, to broadcast my poetry heirlooms

Yorkie And Me

Yorkie’s staring at me vacantly

Like I’m a strange tattooed bikie

Sitting on him, me anxiously crying away

Why am I crying, he quietly says

Looking at me with those big silver eyes

Pondering whether he’s hurting me

Is the ride too much pain

Is all the walking a physical drain

No !! None of that I exclaim, crying tears again

I’m crying wondering, if I’ll ever get there

Crying, because I cannot wait to be there

Crying with embarrassment, for the tears I’ll shed when I’m there

Suddenly, Yorkie barks out at me

Oh Ivor, keep pedalling, toughen-up and and you’ll arrive

Yes, me and my companion Yorkie, have become friends.

Roasted Dry

In between meals

I’m nibbling on my nuts

They’re handy

And easy to find

But I’ve nearly eaten

All my unsalted nuts

Shaved, skinned and plain

Roasted dry

Warm and crunchy

They’ll fill that empty hole

A stomach, now full of my nuts

I’m sure my nuts are good for me

Good for my innards

Good to take-up my time

Inside Out

Perspective,

Weekly Word Prompt : This week’s word prompt is : Perspective.

This is an old poem of mine, The poem “Inside Out”, is more just a rhyme and a play on a few featured words. Over the road from were I once lived, there was a furniture shop, and the advertising hoarding was, “Inside Out, Exotic Furniture”, well I was sitting there waiting for the bus, and in my minds imagination, I changed the the words to “Inside-out, Upside-down, Erotic Furniture”, and hence my little anecdote was laid…. with a totally different perspective..

Inside Out

The view of my love seems upside down.

When I’m at the bottom of her flowing gown.

And my erotic picture appears inside out.

What’s this scenic love all about.

The ways of my love seem upside down.

When she’s on top, covering me ’til I drown.

And I’m underneath, neither in, nor out.

What’s this crazy love all about.

The river of my love seems upside down.

When I’m sitting inside her smiling frown.

And her foreign body hits me in and out.

What’s this exotic love all about.

The world of my love seems upside down.

When I’m laying below her pounding mound.

And her endless thrusts, feel inside out.

What’s this frenzied love all about.

Ivor Steven (c 2018

Auspiciously

“Weekly Prompt” . The word prompt for this week: Serendipity

I’m a poet of little renown

Writing continuously for eighteen years

Scribbling word after word

Penning thousands upon thousands of lines

Forming hundreds and hundreds of poems

My stories of memories and rhymes

Soulful words of mine

By perchance

I’m reviewing my poems today

Reading every poem, every word

Auspiciously

Discovering there’s a word

A word I’ve never used

I’m mystified and perplexed

I’ve never been charmed

With the gift of the written word

Fortuity has rolled on by me

I’m wondering why

Why I’ve never used the word

Serendipity

Photo Challenge – Organised

For the weekend Photo Challenge use the word Organised.

Are you organised or disorganised or do you like to reorganise? Find a photo to fit.

I think for a part-time Plumber, and and a sometime Poet, my garage is reasonably organised, and yes, the car/station wagon, fits in quite comfortably.