Sorry For You

Sorry, I wasn’t always there for you.

I’m sorry for your life of misery.

I’m so sorry, for writing this unhappy story.

And I couldn’t find your holy grail.

That sacred cup of water to cure the frail.

Sorry I couldn’t help or heal you.

I’m sorry for your life being wrong.

I’m so sorry, for playing this wordless song.

And I couldn’t find your holy grail.

That sacred cup of wine to cure the frail.

 

Sorry I didn’t travel every path for you.

I’m sorry for your life’s that’s lost.

I’m so sorry, for holding this worthless cross.

And I couldn’t find your golden grail.

That sacred cup of blood to cure the frail.

Sorry I couldn’t be stronger for you.

I’m sorry, for your lonely life with me.

I’m very sorry, for walking on an empty sea.

And I couldn’t find your silver grail.

The angel’s vessel of purity, to no avail.

 

An old poem I wrote, when I was feeling guilty about my capabilities as a carer. I’m posting here, and thinking someone in a similar situation may read these words. Please do not feel guilty or inadequate, you’re not failing, and there’s really only so much that is possible. You’re not alone in having these insecure feelings, and please understand, us carer’s all go through these self doubts and confusing thoughts.

 

Ivor Steven.

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ivor20

G'day, and welcome to my blog site. My name is Ivor Steven, I live in Geelong, Australia. I'm an ex-industrial chemist, and a retired plumber, and a former Carer of my wife(Carole), for 30 years, who suffered from severe MS. I Write poetry about those personal thoughts, throughout and beyond my life as a Carer. I've been blogging for over 2 years, and writing poems for 19 years. Of course a lot of my poems are about my favourite subject Carole, but since I've been blogging my writings have become quite varied, humourous, mystical, observational, and even a few monster/horror poems.

11 thoughts on “Sorry For You”

  1. Ivor, if it can said about such a heartrending outpouring, this poem is exquisite, and your message below is perfect. You have a talent for making me cry, and I’m grateful for that; I need to rid myself of tears that have been building up for years – tears I couldn’t take the time to shed, or that I had to hide from my children who were suffering enough without my input.
    I hope you truly cleared all those feelings of guilt – they can be tenacious little demons.

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    1. I think crying is good for our soul. I cried while I was typing it up today. I really was in a lot of turmoil back then, and I remembered how desperately confused and inadequate I felt, and I blamed myself for everything that went wrong, I didn’t have any help until the lasr 12 years of Carole’s MS, after I’d suffered my stroke. I look back now, and I can’t believe how I coped, Oh wow. And I think we understand each other’s battles and heartwrenching times that we painfully endured. Hopefully we’ll both enjoy betterer times ahead. Xxx

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      1. I’m glad that you’ve put it in perspective now, and can see the strength you showed as you fought your way through the most horrendous trials.
        Yes, Ivor, we’ve each had our own set of troubles, and they’ve differed hugely, but the emotions that we went through were similar, and we’ve come out of it with corresponding sets of values. I think we understand each other. Let’s raise a toast to better times. xxx

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