Why am I so adamant that I need to fight.
Feeling this chasm of pain every night.
Why am I so adolescent about my plight.
Longing for the love, the affection, of no-one in sight.
Why am I so uncertain within myself.
Desiring relief and a remedy for my health.
Why am I so sorry for my lost time on the shelf.
Pining after my souls drowned wealth.
Why am I still shaken, afraid of life.
Thinking there’s only loneliness without my wife.
Why am I still heartsick, pierced like a knife.
Wondering if there’ll ever be anymore afterlife.
Ivor Steven Β (c)
“Afterlife” is an older poem of mine, and today I’ve revised and re-edited the words slightly. Β The original poem was written in July 2012, and feeling in a reflective mood as the New Year approaches, I decided to post this version of the poem, from my past.
This is beautiful Ivor but it made me cry.
Some days and nights are worse than others aren’t they and then there are the happy days when all you can do is smile. ππ
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Thankyou Sue for your kind words, and I don’t mean to make you cry, hopefully they’re tears of Liquid Joy. … And yes, no matter what happens our hearts are still going to have moments of reflection, and now, these days I don’t mind, I take it as Carole’s playing on my heart-strings and encouraging me with her Everlasting Smile.
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I cry at many things Ivor, but especially when reading such moving words. I’m sure Carole is with you every step of the way. xx
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I kind of knowingly know, and I’m always in awe at the depth of our glorious memories and how they remain to be a such a beautiful part of our lives.
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β€οΈ
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It’s good to reflect, and bask in the light of the reflection. Happy New Year Ivor.
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Thanks Peter, and yes I find my reflections a pleasant experience these days.
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Oh Ivor, I can imagine you sitting quietly thinking of Carole and all of your time(s) together. I can feel the ache. I’m so glad you know such love.
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Thanks Colleen, always an emotional week for me, you sit down for Christmas dinner, and you miss that “Beaming Smile”, but I now celebrate her presence, and we all put on “that” big beaming smile xx
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It’s wonderful that you do, and can, honor Carole like this Ivor. β€
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Oh Ivor this is such a sad and beautiful poem. You are not alone! You have a community here of dedicated friends and a God who loves you
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Kayla, thank you for loving my poem, and I appreciate your genuine concern. I’m quite healed these days, and my reflective moods are now a pleasure for my soul to recall. And dear Kayla because of helpful and encouraging hints with my poem “Waterways”, I’m enjoying revisiting and restructuring some of my older poems, from over 5 to 20 years ago, and like this one “Afterlife” I think the impact is moving, and more poignant. I’ll be posting another older poem tomorrow, that I’ve rehashed, “Let The Past Be Gone”, a poem I wrote on New Years Eve 5 years ago. Again thank you for your support. xx
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I look forward to reading more of your work as always!
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This was very touching, Ivors. I don’t know much about you but this told me enough. The pinings, they really do pierce, don’t they?
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I love this… It’s so very reflective of the pain you suffered by losing Carole and the love you still have for her and always will. Beautifully written as always. β€οΈ
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Thanks ~M~ I thought you’d appreciate my words π
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I always do… π
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O Ivor Iβm totally in love with this poemππππ
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Oh, thank you β€οΈ Ortensia. π. I love that you love my poem, and that means a lot to me. All my poems about those times and memories with Carole are special to me, and it’s only now after 6 years that I’ve really begun to appreciate how fortunate I was to have known my Lady, and actually understand that’s the way life is !! ππ
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Still timelessly valid
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Thankyou Derrick, for taking the time to comment ππ
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This poem is so very human and I think that’s the answer to a lot of it. I saw in another comment reply you said this is a difficult week for you, I hope you’re doing well. π This is a beautiful poem.
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Thanks Arbie, I’m going ok and I’m pleased you liked my emotive poem ππ
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I lost both my husband and son two years from each other, I feel their presence yet so long for their touch. I feel for you too and understand how a revisited poem can take the edge off a very lonely day. you write very tender words.
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Yes I understand, they never leave our presence, hopefully you’re recovering and coping ok.
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there are good and bad days, its all a roller coaster ride, hanging on I suppose is best description. i hope you have found peace and solace too after caring for her for such a long time.
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Yes, thank you, I suppose I’m on the positive side of my greiving, and life is now more comfortable, the bad days become less and lesser, there’s no real cure, it’s just time, and try to stay healthy and be kind to yourself.
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thank you, that’s comforting to know for you and for me too. it will take time.
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Loss. It is something that doesn’t stay in the lines. It bleeds out whenever it needs to. Your poem is a reflection of grief. It allows me to connect with your sorrow.
The line that resonated with me the most was, “Why am I so sorry for my lost time on the shelf.” It is so easy to regret that loss of time on top of the loss of love.
I also like that you posted this as a rewrite. You know that I appreciate process. Way to go.
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Thanks Ali, I find the original and send it to you π, reflection, grief, loss, love, oh what a mind of mixed emotions we humans have π.
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The old original, from nearly 6 years ago. Hope the link works for you, a photo from my “OneDrive”.
https://1drv.ms/i/s!Asumt4cZ9A65g8hI7j5J1rpiMyKWOw
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This is so heartwarming poem. Sad but beautiful. Itβs full of emotions and so many feels.
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Yes, my poem is all of those emotions, and my soul is still searching.
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We all are searching for something. I am too is in search for so many answers. Itβs nice to stumble upon your blog.
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I am depressed after reading this, so emotional.
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