A Single Atom

Weekly Word Prompt:  Subliminal  click to view all the responses to this weeks word prompts 

For the weekly word prompt “Subliminal” I’m reposting this old poem of mine “A Single Atom”, which I originally created from a very mixed up and vague dream I had when I was experiencing a lot of guilt complexes about a new relationship I was having at the time, only a year after my wifes passing. My subconscious was subtly  injecting doubts into my mind during my sleep !!

A Single Atom

I see a shooting star, traverse the full-moon

Like a jungle bushfire, raging out of sight

I feel the heat of midday, smothering the night

Like a warm body, inside her tomb

I see the dawn, without the golden sun

Like a Lyrebird, singing all out of tune

I hear the morning rain, without a cloud in the sky

Like yesterdays floods, leaving her high and dry

I see a sandy beach, awash by a tidal wave

Like a burning desert, water is her grave

I fill lonely sheets, with empty dreams

Like a dark chasms’ irrelevant beams

I see a summer leaf, wilted by a frosty Autumn

Like an unwatered orchid, opening to an old anthem

I feel like a splintered heart, inside a single atom

Like a snakes dead skin, her rejected emblem

Ivor Steven. (c)  2018

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ivor20

G'day, and welcome to my blog site. My name is Ivor Steven, I live in Geelong, Australia. I'm an ex-industrial chemist, and a retired plumber, and a former Carer of my wife(Carole), for 30 years, who suffered from severe MS. I Write poetry about those personal thoughts, throughout and beyond my life as a Carer. I've been blogging for over 2 years, and writing poems for 19 years. Of course a lot of my poems are about my favourite subject Carole, but since I've been blogging my writings have become quite varied, humourous, mystical, observational, and even a few monster/horror poems.

70 thoughts on “A Single Atom”

      2. By the way, my last post is a review I wrote about a friend of mine’s book. My intention is to get him a few more readers as this friend has helped me so much. I think he is a very good writer who deserves more recognition (probably like you all). Perhaps you could check out this post? It means a lot to me, much more than all my humble writing attempts.
        Here is the link: https://momentsbloc.wordpress.com/2018/07/10/a-review-of-this-way-to-the-end-a-book-by-mario-savioni/

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      1. i was going to say we feel guilty living and experiencing joy, it’s so hard to process these emotions when someone we love so much leaves us all alone. New love, if it’s a strong and genuine love should make you feel safe. i wish that love for you Ivor. You truly deserve that.

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    1. Thanks Colleen, yes my mind was betwixt. I’m alone these days now, but I supposed I’ve still a piece of my heart left to share if so be it. xx

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  10. You suffered the guilt almost like a cross and I understand it perfectly but I’m sure if Carole could visit and tell you herself she’d say “Rest your weary soul awhile and be Happy Ivor!”

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  11. Wow, these words come alive. “Like a burning desert, water is her grave… I see a sandy beach, awash by a tidal wave…” Great imagery and I can sense the emotions captured in this piece!

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    1. Thanks dear Stella, it was a complex poem for me to write, and off and on, it took me 4 years to get it together properly and this is the final product of what my betwixt mind was going through, I’m so pleased you liked my my words xxx😊

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    1. Yes you’re so correct, my writing is my therapy, and I enjoy telling my stories, through my poems, and hopefully my work helps some others who are struggling with their lives being a carer ☺️💛 xx

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  17. This is a beautiful, beautiful poem, Ivor. You’ve excelled yourself. You capture the feeling of loss and the guilt over your imagined betrayal perfectly. Grief is not rational; even when you knew Carol would want you to find new happiness, the guilt was bound to cling xx

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      1. Your amazing poem says it all.

        My daughter’s boyfriend died when she was very young, and pregnant. About 18 month after that she met a new man. She felt horribly guilty. It’s the 22nd anniversary of his death this month. Deep down, she never got over it… xxx

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    1. Thank you, it actually took 4 years before I thought the poem was good enough to publish… again even in the wording of the poem I had so many doubts…. I’m glad I went through the experience of the relationship (3 years), ,Of course I was very hurt in the end, but I took the attitude, at least there was no funeral to go to… see was alive, I was alive….. and It was nothing compared to my grieving for Carole !!

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      1. Well when you have had that one love that was so very important and deep its hard to replace it and it may even be an escape from grief for a while which in and of itself is not a ‘bad’ thing. My own Mum remarried 2 years after my father died and lived to regret it knowing she was seeking companionship and an escape. Its tough as you have to go on living. and as you said you were reaching for life and choosing not to be totally possessed by death grief or loss but I should imagine the kind of love you had with Carol never dies and the grief is huge. ❤ ❤ ❤ Hugs…xx

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      5. Yes I found out I could love again, and I didn’t have shut myself away with grief. It taught me to live again, even though there’s always pain on the way… and I’m sure my thoughts have helped me cope with my ongoing battle with my stroke. I’m starting to feel good about about my future again…..

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      6. That is so good to hear. When certain things end it seems like its the end, doesn’t it? But life always gives us new chances if we are willing to keep opening, most especially in our thoughts and actions becoming receptive once again to newness. 🙂

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      11. Yes to be gracious and grateful are wonder attributes… my Carole had these gifts, despite the difficulties she suffered throughout her life.

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