Category: Humour

Back On The Tools. (adapted from “An Old-time Plumber”)


Sorry to my readers and followers for my lack of blogging this week … The old plumber/poet traded his quill in for his old rusty spanner and dirty hammer …
Drawing Above: done for me by Rose in 2017 – https://poetrummager.org/

Back On The Tools. (adapted from “An Old-time Plumber”)

I’ll be seventy-five in July
Could I actually do the task?
Am I physically strong enough?
Am I mentally sharp and able enough
To endure four to five days of hard work?

Surprise, surprise – I have survived the first three days.
The job is nearing completion, and the client is suitably pleased,
And I am home beside the fan, enjoying a cold glass of beer.
Although when I finished, it was nearly dinner time,
And my back was stiff as red-gum bark –
But a job stamped by my old-time quality trademark.

Before I can wrap up the job and rest on the weekend,
I’m waiting for a made-to-order cover panel
Which, unfortunately, will conceal all of my handiwork.







Ivor Steven ©  February 2026

The Poet’s Lucky Envelope Humdrum


While waiting for my CHW article to appear last night, I found myself knee‑deep in “lucky envelopes” for the book‑stall dip — a poet’s version of factory work, complete with midnight muttering and a very patient supervisor. Somewhere between the folding and the stacking, this little whimsy arrived.


The Poet’s Lucky Envelope Humdrum


A poem a day is my way;
print five copies of each without delay.
Do not overflow the out tray –
place the copies in relay,
the next five crossways …
and so on – it’s child’s play.

Fold each foolscap page in half,
then fold again, into quarters.
Any fool can do it!
Open an envelope,
shove in the folded page
(No need for that frustrated rage).
Start a row of five;
put the next five on top …
and so on – it’s child’s play
’til midnight ends the day.





And for the soundtrack to this late‑night humdrum, here’s Leonard Cohen and U2 with Tower of Song — a perfect companion for a poet quietly working under the watchful eye of Frankie.




Ivor Steven ©  February 2026

Who’s Afraid?

Featured Image: This is evening’s Halloween Twilight Sky


This evening’s Halloween twilight sky


Sorry, no bats! But plenty of bird silhouettes in the Halloween sky …

A big thank you to Cheryl, the ‘Gulf Coast Poet’, for inspiring my whimsical poem.
>> What are You Afraid of? | Gulf Coast Poet



Who’s Afraid?


“Don’t be afraid”
It’s easier said than done
What about
The shady Everglades
And the deadly Nightshade
I, for one
Like my bats underdone








Ivor Steven (c) October 31st 2025

“Tock-tick, or “47 is 74”

Apologies to my followers and readers for not blogging much this weekend. Sorry, it has been a hectic weekend for me and I have run out of “Time” … Market Day, Saturday, and my Dome Poetry meeting on Sunday … I’ll have no breath left to blow out the candles!!

Over at Weekly Prompts, the Weekend Challenge is Back-to-Front. To visit their fabulous site, please click HERE


“Tock-tick”, or “47 is 74”

I am seventy-four today
And as I am growing older
I am hearing time ticking
Back-to-front
Sounding more like “tock-tick”
Instead of a steady “tick-tock”

Once upon a time
For every moment
There was a second
Now, in one moment
There are two seconds!
And the old hands
On my rusty sundial
Cannot find time’s
Elusive shadow

Alas, I have searched
Inside out and upside down
For the key to time’s
New age design
“A backless clock
Without any front”





Ivor Steven (c) July 20th, 2025

Malcolm the Mouse


Malcolm, looking sad and slowly fading away. This morning’s replacement mouse




Malcolm the Mouse



Some sad news
Late last night
My mouse died

He’s not been well
This past month
His right side was fading away
And then his left side started failing too
“His lights were on
but nobody was home”

I rang my younger brother
“What should I do, mate?”
He said, “How old was he?”
“I think he was 13 years old”
“Oh well, his time was due,
you’ll have to put him down
and throw him in the bin”

“Ok, it’s been difficult
trying to use my computer
without Malcolm”

Luckily, this morning
After rummaging through the shed
I found another mouse
An old USB plug-in one







.


Until Eyes Hear Sound

Lulu Books >>  Until Eyes Hear Sound (lulu.com)|



Perceptions:

Amazon >>  Perceptions : Steven, Ivor, Knight, Derrick: Amazon.com.au: Books
Lulu Books >>  Perceptions (lulu.com)



Tullawalla:

Amazon >> Tullawalla A Meeting Place Where My Empty Hands are Full of Memories and Rhymes : Steven, Ivor: Amazon.com.au: Books


OR: >> You may email me directly for a signed copy at
ivorrs20@gmail.com


Ivor Steven © June 2025

I Am Not a Songbird

For the Dome Poetry group’s May meeting, our poetry assignment/poem is as follows

1.       We are each given a poetry book. (They are all different.)
2.       We each select a poem from the book that we like or dislike.
3.       We write our opinion of the poem in poetry form.
4.       We write a separate poem in the same style as the original…about any subject.
5.       OPTIONAL: Points 3 & 4 could be amalgamated. ie one poem

The poetry book I received was “The C.J. Dennis Collection.”… a famous Australian poet and author, known as “The Prince of Writers.”
I chose to amalgamate Points 3 & 4 and wrote my poem ‘I Am Not a Songbird’, in the rhyming style of C.J. Dennis’s whimsical poem “Heredity”, which I have scanned and attached below my poem.



I Am Not a Songbird

You may ask me (said the Corella)
Why am I so noisy and obnoxious
Like a protester with a loud hailer
At a meeting of the Labor Party Caucus

You may ask me why I’m not a songbird
Instead of a critter that’s always squawking
In a screeching way that no one else can hear
I offer no excuses for my chaotic talking

Yet, I’m all for a sweet lullaby
But for my breed, a soft tune is impossible
I’m often repetitive like a buzzing blowfly
However, I am quite pretty and aeronautical

My vocalisations are certainly unique
And it’s how I communicate with my girls
So, get used to my cheeky squeak
And enjoy my showy swirls and twirls









Ivor Steven (c) May 2025

How To Eat An Easter Egg


Here is an ‘Easter Poem’ from my archives. This one is from Easter, 2021





How To Eat An Easter Egg



[i] Carefully choose your Bunnies and Eggs
But the “Violet Crumble” box is a MUST
Deliciously smooth and tasty

[ii] Wisely place your purchase in the fridge
Australia always has a hot Easter weekend
And judiciously push the Easter delights towards the back

[iii] Patiently wait until Sunday morning
Stoically obey those traditional procedures
Mine were eaten by Saturday evening. How did you go?

[iv] Delicately unwrap the colourful foil covering
I have diligently preserved the shiny shells since my first egg hunt
Then gently nibble open the pointy end of the exposed Egg

[v] Fiendishly devour the irresistible chocolate
Until you are more than fully satiated
Then voraciously attack the bunny and bite off its ears




WHOOPS !! Surprise, surprise … that rascally easter bunny has
left me some “Eggs” to find on Sunday…
WARNING: This article is posted for Australian audiences, however
‘International’ followers may read the instructions above at their
own RISK !!






Ivor Steven © April 2025

Yes, Prime Minister (a Clerihew)

The clerihew is a funny, four-lined poem that often makes fun of celebrities and other well-known people.
Format:
Line 1 (person’s name) (A)
Line 2 (rhymes with A)
Line 3 (B)
Line 4 (rhymes with B)



Yes, Prime Minister (A Clerihew)

Our Prime Minister is Mr Anthony Albanese
He’s not a great philosopher like Socrates
Maybe our head politician is a good theorizer
But the lads at the pub reckon he’s just a dreamer








.


Until Eyes Hear Sound

Lulu Books >>  Until Eyes Hear Sound (lulu.com)





Perceptions:

Amazon >>  Perceptions : Steven, Ivor, Knight, Derrick: Amazon.com.au: Books
Lulu Books >>  Perceptions (lulu.com)





Tullawalla:

Amazon >> Tullawalla A Meeting Place Where My Empty Hands are Full of Memories and Rhymes : Steven, Ivor: Amazon.com.au: Books



OR: >> You may email me directly for a signed copy at
ivorrs20@gmail.com




Ivor Steven (c) March 2025

Silver Boots and Black Ties

Featured Image: Wikimedia File:Blow-flies.jpg

Over at Weekly Prompts, the Weekend Challenge word is: Traveller … please visit their wonderful site by clicking on >> Here
Today my poem is about those annoying companion travellers.

Silver Boots and Black Ties 


 
 
I am being followed 

Ever since I left the front door 

I can see them 

From the corner of my eye  

I am hearing them  

Teasingly buzzing nearby  

I feel their presence 

Like a neighbourhood rabbi 

Steely spies from Shanghai  

Clustering behind my back 

Like tough guys from Versailles  

Wearing silver boots and black ties 


Annoyed and frustrated  

I suddenly swung around 

Randomly flailing my arms

And yelling with angry abandon  

“Buzz off” I let fly  

To those pesky blowflies 






Ivor Steven (c) November 2023

More Duck Muck (a Tanka)

Over at Weekly Prompts, the Weekend Challenge word is: Energy. Please visit their fabulous site by clicking on >> Here … things are still yucky here on my computer and to post a poem is proving to be quite a challenge and very “Energy” sapping for me …


More Duck Muck (a Tanka)


a plucky golden

sunset, stuns my yucky eyes

stuck inside the screen

of my computer’s duck muck

“Captain Starbuck’s coming soon”







Tullawalla is Available From

Jaymah Press:https://www.jaymahpress.com.au/

Ivor Steven: email, ivorrs20@gmail.com

Amazon: search via, ‘Tullawalla by Ivor Steven’


AND
Perceptions is Now Available via:

Amazon: https://amzn.asia/d/4yFHWrT

Jaymah Press: https://www.jaymahpress.com.au/

Lulu Books: https://www.lulu.com/shop/ivor-steven-and-derrick-knight/perceptions/hardcover/product-2pwqe4.html?q=Perceptions+by+Ivor+Steven&page=1&pageSize=4

OR: email me directly for a signed copy – ivorrs20@gmail.com  



Ivor Steven (c) September 2023