I see a shooting star, traverse the full-moon.
Like a jungle bushfire, raging out of sight.
I feel the heat of midday, smoothering the night.
Like a warm body, inside her tomb.
I see the dawn, without the golden sun.
Like a Lyrebird, singing all out of tune.
I hear the morning rain, without a cloud in the sky.
Like yesterdays floods, leaving her high and dry.
I see a sandy beach, awash by a tidal wave.
Like a burning desert, water is her grave.
I fill lonely sheets, with empty dreams.
Like a dark chasms’ irrelevant beams.
I see a summer leaf, wilted by a frosty Autumn.
Like an unwatered orchid, opening to an old anthem.
I feel like a splintered heart, inside a single atom.
Like a snakes dead skin, her rejected emblem.
Ivor Steven.
Wow. I’ll never tire of reading these words. “I fill lonely sheets with empty dreams” Simply beautiful.
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Thanks Karen, I’m so glad you thought my words were beautiful, it’s a poem/piece that I’ve been working at, on and off, for over 4 years, and wow, this it, finally…… I’ve never done this before, mostly my poems are formed quite quickly
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Excellent! That’s a great accomplishment π
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Thanks again M. you’re so kind……
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One of my favourites as of now
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Thanks M. that’s very special, and if you read my reply to “writerkaren”, you’ll understand how pleased I am that you like my poem……Thanks for reading….
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I nominated you for the Real Neat Blog Award π
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Thanks M, for the your kind nomination for the Real Neat Blog Award. Muchly appreciated.
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You’re welcome! !
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Another good one, Ivor. I, too, like the ‘lonely sheets with empty dreams’
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Thanks Derrick, the piece took a while to do, oh well, the “lonely sheets”, are leading for now…..
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When I read this…it made me ‘feel’ the ‘almost’ feelings, or the feelings you get that you don’t quite understand why you have them. This is why we read Ivor….to feel. Beautifully done.
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You’re probably right, for me the poem was started at the end of era, and the beginning of a new one, I was confused and mostly unsure of my feelings, hence the “almost”, and words took so long to unjumble, I suppose the poem is almost a finished one now !!
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Ivor ich liebe deine poesie!
Ich fΓΌlle einsame BlΓ€tter mit leeren TrΓ€umen …. so schΓΆn geschrieben.
SchΓΆn, aber so traurig !!!! .. Ich wΓΌrde es vorziehen: Ich fΓΌlle einsame BlΓ€tter mit 1000 TrΓ€ume! Nun, aber ich kann verstehen, dass echte Poesie so sein muss!
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You’ll have to translate for me, i’ve not the tools to do so
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ohh, sorry ivor, this happens when getting too tired..here in english:
I love your poetry! I fill lonely sheets, with empty dreams …. So beautifully written. Nice, but so sad !!!! .. I would prefer: I fill lonely leaves with 1000 dreams! Well, but I can understand that real poetry must be so! And I understood that there is a deep massage inside…
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Thanks Special One, sad, but not all our dreams are happy ones. “1000 Dreams”, reminds me
of Leonard Cohen’s, “A Thousand Kisses Deep”, a lovely poem/song, look it up, one of my
favourite pieces by the maestro.
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yes Ivor, I just read it. Well, my 1000dreams, are meant to become true. Sorry but I did not like cohanΒ΄s poem. Such poem hurts me…
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Leonard Cohen’s works can be very deep and emotional, I understand your feelings. He’s a man that suffered from depression, most of his life, and wrote a lot about those complex thoughts.
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In fact, all this sad poems, I read here are all very beautiful,Ivor. Because they are very sensitive and delicate. I have to read them always twice, three times or more, and reflect the comments to recognize what there is written between the lines. Mostly you can find some hope, appeals, or changes in a little better.
I think I just have to move some of my sensibility away from me to others….I should not feeling always affected myself, when I read something like this, and I should beeing more careful, how other people could feel about, what IΒ΄m writing….hahaha…”just” is not the right word, this is an purpose, which is quite hard.
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I’m understanding what you are saying, and I too get very emotional, and I’m quite a sensitive guy. And that’s why I write, for self Therapy and the release of my pent up thoughts. Good for my mental well-being, but can be hard on the reader sometimes, but I do tell my friends not to take my words too seriously or too much to heart, they’re just words that escape from the prison in my heart, and overall, these days I’m well helled from ordeals of yesteryears.
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ohh, this sounds to be really a good chohh, this sounds to be really a good choice…IΒ΄m trying to do so with my pictures,…”escape from the prison in my heart” and “ordeals of yesteryears”..is wonderful, you are really very talented!…but IΒ΄ll stop now commenting…have to search for a rasp , for my own prison…..: )oice…IΒ΄m trying to do so with my pictures,…”escape from the prison in my heart” and “ordeals of yesteryears”..is wonderful, you are really very talented!…but IΒ΄ll stop now commenting…have to search for a rasp for my own escape…: )
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It really captured the ‘almost’ Ivor. I am enjoying your work.
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I’m glad you’re enjoying my poems, and your works are engrossing .x
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Your feelings are so alive in this poem, Ivor, and your good lady’s. Entwining, over the years. Superblement. Magnifique. And other French superlatives!
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I started writing this one, over 4 years ago, I was a very confused man at that stage of my life, so the poem remained a jumbled mess, until recently, a still struggled to finish the words, but its the best I could do at such “short notice”
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Short is often best.
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I see a summer leaf, wilted by a frosty Autumn.
This line strikes me the most…i love it
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Thanks Mich, for reading this somewhat jumbled piece, ha, that I’ve had so much trouble piecing together….
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I guess that’s what poetry is all about ..π
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yes, this line is lovely! The last four lines in fact are very nice. Although, you never should feel like a rejected emblem, ivor. You should know, that everybody here loves you and admires your wisdom, sensibility, and ability!
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Thanks Special Girl, very complimentary of you… Don’t worry the words were from thoughts of 4 years ago.
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I agree with everyone’s assessments. This is one of my faves. Bravo, Ivor. xo
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Well done, Ivor. Well done!
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Thank you Robert. Sometimes persistance and stupidity pay’s off, and I appreciate you reading my poems..
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Persistence is the key!
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Simply beautiful, Ivor! β€ "I hear the morning rain, without a cloud in the sky." Oh,, the irony!
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Thanks for reading Megan, It was a terribly jumbled piece 4 years ago, but I think the words matured over the years, like a good red wine….
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Four years in the making? It was worth it. You really do have the soul of a poet. I don’t think I could write something like this. Maybe, my life has been too easy. It could be that a tough life, with many struggles, brings something forth from inside yourself. Whatever you have – keep doing it.
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Thanks Patrick, four years off and on, in and out, up and down, lots of little rewrites, and then shoved away. It was from a difficult time for me, hard to explain, but Carole had been gone just 9 months, and here I was falling in love again, I can’t tell you what sort of jumbled thoughts I was wondering about, but anyhow I managed not to implode, and just ended up like well done scrambled eggs. !!
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I really like it π
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Thankyou for reading my poems, and lovely of you to follow my blog/website, muchly appreciated, hope you enjoy my humble writings, and I’m from Geelong, Australia, Cheers, Ivor Steven.
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I love the rhythm in your poem, it brings the perfect touch to your lines! Beautiful π
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Thanks, it was such a difficult verse for me, hopefully in the end I achieved the mood I was trying to convey. .
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To me it rings like a sad, bitter-sweet folk song. Is that the mood you were trying to convey?
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Where my mind was at then, so hard to explain, but I’ll try. … My had been dead only 10 months, and I’d fallen into a loving relationship, but I started suffering terrible guilt complexs, and my I became awfully confused, and my poem grew out that battle between my new desires and my broken soul…
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Life takes you by surprise sometimes and it brings in new joy when you don’t feel ready to experience them. Did you manage to live that new love in the end? Did it abort because of the guilt you felt? As far as the poem is concerned, your tale fits my vision of a bitter-sweet folk song. So in my book, you did it. You created the mood that you were aiming at.
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We had 3 years together, but in the end she wanted to part ways, maybe I tried too hard to fill my void.
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Maybe she did not appreciate you enough. Her loss. Heartful souls like yours are rare. The fault is not on you. When a relationship fails it’s usually because of a all set of factors or little pebbles of miscommunication.
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oh this is sad, she didΒ΄t know, what she had won with you!
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Thanks Anie, it was sad, but I’ve managed to move on, my heart has had lots of broken pieces, but my soul remains .
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Thankyou
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If only I was half the writer you Are!
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I’m only 5′ 5” , you’d end up pretty, but very small….. anyway, thankyou…
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π
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That’s a beautiful poem, Ivor, full of startling imagery. Thank you so much for the explanations in the comments because now it makes much more sense to me. There are three characters, aren’t there? You, the woman you’re starting to love, and your wife whom you loved with passion and self-sacrifice for so many years. So, for example, the rain from a cloudless sky describes your tentative feelings for your new love, while the floods are the love you felt for your wife during her life. And that last line, wow, what a killer finish, had me in tears! “Like a snakes dead skin, her rejected emblem.” One of the half-articulated emotions that an earlier commenter referred to.
You know, if you worked on that poem with a good editor I reckon it would grace any contemporary anthology.
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Thank you Penny, and your summation is so very correct, and you may understand my difficulty in trying to explain in words, my complex and torn emotions. I am a member of the Geelong Writers Association, and your generous encouragement may well see me enter the poem in our next anthology.
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Yes, I understand the difficulty. You had to scale the foothills of grief before you could even begin to climb the mountain of creating a beautiful poem. You succeeded wonderfully well.
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By the way, my brother is a published author who lives in Melbourne. His name is Nick Gadd, and he wrote ‘Ghostlines’, a crime thriller. He quite often gives talks, courses, etc.
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Thank you for the information Penny, I shall seek his book out. I’ve had a poem published in a book, a collection of poems. Refer to my poem “This Lost Shadow”, on my blog site, June 7th 2017,
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The joy, the angst, the uncertainty, all come through marvellously. It was well worth the wait to get it right Ivor.
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Thanks Peter, I’m happy with the end result
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Yesterday I submitted the poem into a poetry competition ran by Poetry Festival..
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Wow!!! Masterpiece! Familiar feelings and experiences. You are a fantastic writer!:) thank you for sharing. The more I read the more I like!:)
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I love your enthusiasm, this one was a difficult task, I didn’t know how to explain my feelings π
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Feelings are hard to explain. You did well.:)
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Thanks Stella π
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