Tag: Humour

How To Eat An Easter Egg


Here is an ‘Easter Poem’ from my archives. This one is from Easter, 2021





How To Eat An Easter Egg



[i] Carefully choose your Bunnies and Eggs
But the “Violet Crumble” box is a MUST
Deliciously smooth and tasty

[ii] Wisely place your purchase in the fridge
Australia always has a hot Easter weekend
And judiciously push the Easter delights towards the back

[iii] Patiently wait until Sunday morning
Stoically obey those traditional procedures
Mine were eaten by Saturday evening. How did you go?

[iv] Delicately unwrap the colourful foil covering
I have diligently preserved the shiny shells since my first egg hunt
Then gently nibble open the pointy end of the exposed Egg

[v] Fiendishly devour the irresistible chocolate
Until you are more than fully satiated
Then voraciously attack the bunny and bite off its ears




WHOOPS !! Surprise, surprise … that rascally easter bunny has
left me some “Eggs” to find on Sunday…
WARNING: This article is posted for Australian audiences, however
‘International’ followers may read the instructions above at their
own RISK !!






Ivor Steven © April 2025

Silver Boots and Black Ties

Featured Image: Wikimedia File:Blow-flies.jpg

Over at Weekly Prompts, the Weekend Challenge word is: Traveller … please visit their wonderful site by clicking on >> Here
Today my poem is about those annoying companion travellers.

Silver Boots and Black Ties 


 
 
I am being followed 

Ever since I left the front door 

I can see them 

From the corner of my eye  

I am hearing them  

Teasingly buzzing nearby  

I feel their presence 

Like a neighbourhood rabbi 

Steely spies from Shanghai  

Clustering behind my back 

Like tough guys from Versailles  

Wearing silver boots and black ties 


Annoyed and frustrated  

I suddenly swung around 

Randomly flailing my arms

And yelling with angry abandon  

“Buzz off” I let fly  

To those pesky blowflies 






Ivor Steven (c) November 2023

Moon Dew

Please Note: All attached Photos presented in this article were taken by Derrick Knight, and he has kindly allowed me reproduce them here on my poetry site. You may visit his wonderful article, and site by clicking on this link >> https://derrickjknight.com/2023/10/02/moons-for-denzil/



Moon Dew 

 
 
The moon slithered  

into my bedroom 

through a crack beside  

her nostalgic heirloom  

and lowered himself 

onto my breastplate  

stared into my eyes  

and told me straight 


“There is no need for tears  

I am here to ease your fears 

before I leave  

I will give you  

a loving spoonful  

of magical moon dew  

my universal cure  

for the morning blues” 


“Thank you, Mr. Moon”  

as I joyfully sipped  

from his silver spoon




 




Tullawalla is Available From

Jaymah Press:https://www.jaymahpress.com.au/

Ivor Steven: email, ivorrs20@gmail.com

Amazon: search via, ‘Tullawalla by Ivor Steven’


AND
Perceptions is Now Available via:

Amazon: https://amzn.asia/d/4yFHWrT

Jaymah Press: https://www.jaymahpress.com.au/

Lulu Books: https://www.lulu.com/shop/ivor-steven-and-derrick-knight/perceptions/hardcover/product-2pwqe4.html?q=Perceptions+by+Ivor+Steven&page=1&pageSize=4

OR: email me directly for a signed copy – ivorrs20@gmail.com  

Ivor Steven (c) October 2023

More Duck Muck (a Tanka)

Over at Weekly Prompts, the Weekend Challenge word is: Energy. Please visit their fabulous site by clicking on >> Here … things are still yucky here on my computer and to post a poem is proving to be quite a challenge and very “Energy” sapping for me …


More Duck Muck (a Tanka)


a plucky golden

sunset, stuns my yucky eyes

stuck inside the screen

of my computer’s duck muck

“Captain Starbuck’s coming soon”







Tullawalla is Available From

Jaymah Press:https://www.jaymahpress.com.au/

Ivor Steven: email, ivorrs20@gmail.com

Amazon: search via, ‘Tullawalla by Ivor Steven’


AND
Perceptions is Now Available via:

Amazon: https://amzn.asia/d/4yFHWrT

Jaymah Press: https://www.jaymahpress.com.au/

Lulu Books: https://www.lulu.com/shop/ivor-steven-and-derrick-knight/perceptions/hardcover/product-2pwqe4.html?q=Perceptions+by+Ivor+Steven&page=1&pageSize=4

OR: email me directly for a signed copy – ivorrs20@gmail.com  



Ivor Steven (c) September 2023

Duck Muck

I’ve had one of those yucky weeks, my computer has been moonstruck and running amok and producing guck. My “Taskbar” keeps flying south with the Ducks!! I’m feeling like an ice-puck all out of luck. So, I apologise for my moody unstuck poem of bushbuck …


Duck Muck




Sucking more air

Life sucks


Evading the sloppy duck muck

Dodging the dusty garbage truck 

Never having enough bucks

To fill the milk bucket

Left empty by bloodsucking

Schmucks






Ivor Steven (c) Sept 2023

Throwback Friday, Creation??

Today I am presenting another poem that will be appearing in my new book “Until Eyes Hear Sound”. I wrote ‘Creation??’ in February 2021, and the poem will be the opening piece in Chapter 9. Humour, Fantasy, Faeries, and Weird. 





Creation??


Eve’s enticing apple 

Fell from God’s tree 

And hit young Newton 

On his hairy head 

Then the apple rolled away 

Into Bell’s telephone booth

And here begun “All Creation”

The first born “Apple iPhone Box” 








Ivor Steven (c) July 2023

Holes In Doors 




Holes In Doors 




My owner left me 

Locked up in the courtyard 

Nothing unusual about that 

He left me some biscuit treats 

And a full bowl of water 


However, he forgot  

To close the wire security screen 

Well, best I break in 

And protect our kennel 

“What would you have done?” 


I started clawing and chewing 

At the exposed wood door 

Firstly, I dug a small hole 

An opening I could bite 

My industrious teeth into 

Whoops and drats! 

There was another layer 

On the inside too! 


 

I wasn’t sure why 

My boss told me off 

When he arrived home 

I thought I was only trying to help 

He didn’t appreciate my creativity 


Time passed and Christmas arrived 

My extended family 

Were joking and laughing 

At my aunt’s gift for Dad 

Woof, woof. “A Doggie Door for me!” 








Tullawalla is Available From

Jaymah Press:https://www.jaymahpress.com.au/

Ivor Steven: email, ivorrs20@gmail.com

Amazon: search via, ‘Tullawalla by Ivor Steven’


AND
Perceptions is Now Available via:

Jaymah Press: https://www.jaymahpress.com.au/

Lulu Books: https://www.lulu.com/shop/ivor-steven-and-derrick-knight/perceptions/hardcover/product-2pwqe4.html?q=Perceptions+by+Ivor+Steven&page=1&pageSize=4

OR: email me directly for a signed copy – ivorrs20@gmail.com




Ivor Steven (c) January 2023

Jack’s Back

Over at Weekly Prompts, the Wednesday Challenge is: GARDEN ART. You may visit their fabulous site by clicking on the Link >> Here .. and the poem below is my response to their Prompt

Jack’s Back 

 

I woke at dawn 

And there was Jack  

Laying on my lawn 

 

Good morning, Mr. Frost 

I am at a loss 

With the ground so white 

And the air’s bitter bite 

Why are called Jack? 

The Jack’s I know from the outback 

Are all warmhearted folks  

And happy-go-lucky blokes 

Not cold-blooded guys 

Baptized by frozen skies 

 

Are you a naughty and chilly skite? 

Or a noble defender of the night 

Jack! Today at first light 

You gave my warm toes an icy fright 






Ivor Steven (c) July 2022

Ding Dong and Bang Clang?




I was in a dazed shock

As the bedside table rocked

When my alarm clock piercingly rang

Ding dong and bang clang it sang

Like a hammering chain gang

Breaking rocks, bang after bang


Awakened by the brutal ding and bang

Out of bed I sprang

Then abruptly, my mind went clang!

When the bells of Sunday morn began!






Ivor Steven (c) June 2022

A ‘Penguin Waffle’

Over at Weelkly Prompts the Wednesday challenge is the word: ALARMS. Please go and visit their fabulous site by clickng on>> Here .. and below is my response to their prompt …




A Penguin Waffle


This year, all around the world

The alarm bells have been ringing loudly

Today, I have escaped to the country

Away from humanities blaring sirens


I am at the Moorabool Valley Chocolate Cafe

Relaxing with a mug of coffee

And a scrumptious piece of cheesecake


Then suddenly, without warning

My sweet tooth starts chiming

There on the counter I spied a ‘Penguin Waffle’

And as my mom used to say

“If you have a sweet tooth, sometimes

you just must have chocolate”






Ivor Steven (c) June 2022